


Apologies

by sochill



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: alana also gets the apology she deserves!, it's platonic but kleinsen if u squint, jared gets the apology he deserves!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-16 19:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21276719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sochill/pseuds/sochill
Summary: I'm still not done being bitter that Jared and Alana never got apologies from Evan so here u go





	Apologies

“It means you should remember who your friends are!” Jared yelled.

I thought the only reason you even talked to me was because of your car insurance!” Evan snapped.

Jared raised his eyebrows, looking at Evan like he was stupid. “That was a _joke_ Evan.” He squinted in disbelief.

“Well-! What?” Evan frowned.

“It was a joke?” Jared still stared at him like he was an idiot. Like he couldn’t believe this wasn’t obvious. And if Evan could’ve read his mind in that moment, he’d know Jared _did_ think he was an idiot. Because Jared thought it had been very clear that he was kidding about not really being friends with Evan. “I don’t even have a _car_ genius!”

“Well… I just thought…” Evan dropped his gaze.

“You really thought I only hung out with you because my parents made me?” Jared raised his voice again. But he didn’t sound as angry, just surprised. And maybe a little annoyed.

“Yes.”

“I wrote fake letters from a dead kid for you! I’ve spent literally all of my free time with you since this whole thing started! You think that was all so you’d tell your mom I was nice? I did all of that to help _you_!”

“I don’t-” Evan started but Jared wasn’t done.

“When have I ever not been there for you Evan? I know I’m not the most supportive person. But have I _ever_ not answered your calls? Have I _ever_ not come over when you asked? Have I _ever_ let you go through a single fucking thing alone? No. I’ve been there. Every time you needed me. Jesus Evan! You honest to god thought I was doing all that so my _mom wouldn’t yell at me_? You thought I was _that_ selfish?”

“Yes.” Evan said without really meaning to.

Jared’s face darkened. “Fuck you Evan. Asshole.” He spun on his heel and stormed out.

By 9 o’clock that night Evan was beginning to realize just how right Jared was. He’d never called him this many times without an answer. Sure, sometimes Jared was busy when Evan called but he’d always text him later and asked what he wanted. And maybe that wasn’t the nicest way to ask if Evan was okay, but it was Jared’s way. And he always asked. He was always… there.

The truth was, no matter how much Jared moaned and groaned about having to hang out with Evan, he always did it. And Evan knew he could’ve gotten away with doing a whole lot less if it was really about his car insurance. He always answered when Evan called. He always came over when Evan asked, even if it was the middle of the night and he had to climb through Evan’s window. He wasn’t the most eloquent when Evan needed consoling, but he’d still sit with him for hours until he was okay. And of course he’d grumble about it later, but when Evan needed him, he was there.

Until now. Now when Evan desperately needed Jared to pick up the phone, Jared was very resolutely, not.

Evan didn’t know what to do. He never realized how much easier things were knowing he could turn to Jared if he needed.

He decided he needed to end it. All of it. Needed to tell the Murphy’s the truth, even if it meant they’d hate him. Needed to tell his mom the truth, even if it meant _she’d_ hate him. He knew deep down that she wouldn’t, but the thought was still there. He needed to apologize to Alana too. And when all of that was done, then he’d talk to Jared. If Jared would listen.

The Murphy’s were furious. Of course they were. They deserved to be. Zoe hated him, Larry was so mad he couldn’t speak, and Cynthia just cried. Evan kept waiting for the post. The one announcing that he was a liar and a horrible person. But it never came. What did come was an email from Larry explaining that they decided the Connor Project had done something good, and they weren’t going to take that away from everyone.

His mother, well he shouldn’t have been surprised, she was sad. Sad that he’d hid how he felt. Sad that she wasn’t there for him. But she was proud of him too. For telling the truth. For apologizing. And as much as it should have made him feel worse, he couldn’t help feeling slightly better knowing she loved him so much.

And so there was Alana.

Alana definitely didn’t want to see him after the way he’d spoken to her. Which he understood. But he texted her anyway, asking to meet for coffee so he could apologize. And she agreed.

“Hey.” Evan smiled a little as she arrived.

“Hi.” Alana didn’t smile. It was a strange look on her.

“So um, I just wanted to say that I was sorry.” He wanted to look at her. But he couldn’t make himself meet her eyes. So he stared at the table instead. “I shouldn’t have said all that stuff to you. You weren’t selfish or only helping to make yourself look better. I knew that. You were right. I lost sight of the whole point of the Connor Project. I was the selfish one. I was focused on myself and I let all the responsibility fall on you and Jared and then got angry when you confronted me. I was wrong. And I know that you might still be mad and that’s okay. But I hope you at least know that I’m sorry. And that I’d take it back if I could.”

There was a hand on his shoulder. When he looked up, Alana didn’t look angry anymore.

“It’s okay Evan. I know you were dealing with a lot. It really means a lot that you apologized to me when you easily could’ve walked away.”

Evan shook his head. “I couldn’t have. It made me feel too awful.”

Alana smiled sadly. “Well, thank you Evan.”

“I wanted to make things right, or as right as I can, with everyone.”

“So have you talked to Jared?” She asked.

Evan felt his eyes sting. He shook his head.

“Why not?”

“I’m scared. I really messed up with him. He hardly wanted me around before. I’m scared he’ll just want me to leave him alone for good this time.”

“Don’t be silly Evan. That boy adores you!”

Evan looked up, shocked. “I’m sorry, what?”

Alana nodded. “You never noticed? He’s always smiling at you and talking about you. He’s always so _proud_ of you. I mean he even told me you’re his best friend. He said he feels like he’s second to Connor for you. But you’re his best friend.”

“Jared?” Evan blinked. “You’re talking about Jared Kleinman?

She nodded again. “I think you owe him an apology. But I also think he’ll forgive you.” She stood up to leave.

“Alana!” Evan called, twisting around in his chair. She paused at the door, looking at him. “I’d notice if you disappeared.”

Alana smiled again; her eyes were shining. “I’d notice if you disappeared too.”

So then there was Jared. He wouldn’t answer the door, Evan knew that. And from the empty driveway he figured Jared’s parents weren’t home to let him in either. So, he circled the house until he was standing under Jared’s bedroom window. He took a breath and started scaling the large tree beside it. The movements came naturally, it was like he was 12 again, racing Jared up the tree and into the window as many times as they could before Mrs. Kleinman saw them and nearly had a heart attack.

He stood on the top of the tree for a minute, looking down. He imagined he saw hundreds of other trees stretched out before him. He imagined he was loosening his hold on the branch. His heart suddenly raced and his stomach dropped. He squeezed his eyes shut and gripped the tree branch tightly. When he opened his eyes, he fixed them on Jared’s window. _This isn’t that tree_, he reminded himself. _You’re here for Jared._

Evan could see him through the glass. He was slumped in his desk chair, halfheartedly scrolling through his phone. Evan reached forward and tugged the window up. Jared jumped at the noise. Evan climbed through quickly in case Jared decided to push him back out.

Jared’s eyes narrowed as Evan straightened up.

“What.” He said. It was one word but the anger it held nearly made Evan flinch.

“I want to apologize.” Evan said as firmly as he could.

“Knock yourself out.” Jared turned his attention back to his phone.

Evan grew irritated. He was _trying_ to make things right but no. Jared just _had_ to make it difficult.

“I want to apologize and I want you to _listen_.” He snapped.

“Well maybe I don’t want to listen!” Jared stood up. “Maybe I’m tired of listening to you.”

“Jared.” Evan groaned. “Please just let me apologize. I know I pissed you off but just-”

“You didn’t piss me off Evan!” Jared yelled. “You hurt my fucking feelings!”

Evan was stunned. Jared was glaring at him but there were tears streaming down his face. Crying. Jared was… crying.

“What?” Was all he could manage.

“Yeah shocker! I have those too!” Jared spit.

“Jared.” Evan said. He didn’t know what else to say. He’d come over here expecting to apologize to a furious Jared like he’d done hundreds of times.

He’d never had to apologize to a sad Jared. A _hurt_ Jared. He didn’t even know Jared cared about him enough to _be_ hurt by him.

“I’m… Jared I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah. Whatever.” Jared shrugged. He seemed to have lost all the fight he had in him.

“No.” Evan stepped toward him, waiting to see if Jared would move away. He didn’t. “It’s not whatever. You were right. You’ve always been there for me. And I’m sorry I didn’t realize that. I’m sorry I ditched you. I’m just… sorry.”

Jared shrugged again but his tears were coming faster now. Evan took another hesitant step and wrapped his arms around Jared. To his relief, Jared sank into him. Evan rubbed his back and tried to be soothing.

Eventually Jared pulled away and wrinkled his nose. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Evan flushed.

“Tell me everything’s okay. It sounds weird coming from you. I hate it.”

Evan couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up. “Sorry.” He tried to suppress his smile. “Next time I’ll say everything is shit and always will be.”

“Good.” Jared smiled slightly and Evan didn’t realize until that moment how much he’d missed seeing Jared smile.

They just sort of looked at each other for a minute. And then Jared sighed.

“Evan, do you wanna hang out tomorrow?”

“Um, I- yeah.” Evan nodded. “I would love that.”

“Okay don’t get too excited.” Jared rolled his eyes. “Now go away so I can finish my break down in peace and be well rested tomorrow.”

Evan knew he was kidding, mostly.

“Okay.” Evan used the front door this time. Jared followed him down the stairs.

“See ya.” He leaned against the door frame.

“Jared, if you need anything. Call me.”

“Yeah yeah.” Jared waved him off but he was smiling. “Bye Evan.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
Follow/talk to me on tumblr @ michaelmellonn


End file.
